June 5, 2007 11:32 pm
I took my daughter to lunch today. Went out to the valley and picked her up from her old elementary school in Encino where her mom works and we went and had tacos and lemonade at Islands, then before taking her home we went and played a round of miniature golf and a little skeeball at Castle Park in Sherman Oaks . Here she is launching the ball off the sixth hole tee at the psycho house:
It was our first time hanging together in close to a year. Last time I saw her was at her birthday party with her family at the Northridge Chili’s in September, and I had a prior engagement so I only was there for about an hour.
Not sure if any are still hanging around, but I know there were some people who found this blog after Shane Nickerson spotlighted my August 13, 2005 post about taking the big leap and reconnecting with my daughter after more than five years apart. Now it’s almost two years since then and I dunno… I expected something different than what we have now.
Not that I’m complaining. Given the five years of hurt we both suffered through, the fact that for the last two I can say “let’s get together” and she answers with “OK” is heaven. I just haven’t been too adamant or often in asking. I never crowded her as a child and I certainly won’t now.
I’m not sure what prompted me to ask to see her this time around. She doesn’t turn 18 for three months and there are no holidays to observe. The truth? I’ve been feeling down a bit these past couple weeks. Stuck in a semi-depressed rut and I jumped at the chance to bust out of it by seeing her and telling her about a billion things, of which not a single one came out of my mouth except at when we hugged at her house and I awkwardly told her I hoped she knew that I was there for her and that if she needed my help or someone to talk to all she had to was call.
June 6th, 2007 at 1:37 am
If only it were as easy to say the things we want to say the most.
Nice entry, Will.
June 6th, 2007 at 6:56 am
I haven’t read the 2005 entries, but I will after I mention a movie I just watched on HBO: Shot in the Dark. Adrian Grenier (who plays Vinny on Entourage) goes looking for his father who he has not seen in 18 years. Fascinating. Might be relevant?
Good for you for being there in any way you can.
June 6th, 2007 at 7:08 am
Thanks Shane. And that doc you mention Julia is tremendously relevant having been abandoned by my father who I last saw when I was a toddler and too young to remember and have never been in contact with since.
June 6th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Wow. Sorry about your father and am glad to see you are not willing to even come close to repeating that cycle.
Had you already seen the documentary?
June 6th, 2007 at 9:04 am
It’s ironic Julia. With my father as an example I had long vowed never to desert my daughter. But the fact is I did come close to doing what my dad did or at least did so for five years. Regardless of my justification for my removal from Kate’s life or my hope that it would never be permanent, that’s five years we both lost and what may be a lifetime spent trying to get back. But at least we were and are willing to try.
Strangely enough I had an almost visceral reaction when that documentary popped up on our TV via our TiVo Sunday (instead of the fluffy season finale of Entourage, which is what I’d expected to have been recorded). I’d heard about it so it didn’t completely blindside me but when at the beginning Grenier was walking around Yankee Stadium asking men the rather oddly phrased question of what their idea of a perfect father was I just didn’t want to watch another second of it.
I’m sure that makes me sound as if I have a lot of unresolved abandonment issues and of course on some level I do and always will. But my aversion to the show stems from what I consider a very positive resolve made at around the same age Grenier is never to seek him out. From that point since I considered myself far more worthy an effort by my father to find me than he was worth any effort put forth by me to try to find him.
I certainly applaud Grenier for doing what he did and who knows…. If the man who helped make me is still alive maybe he watched that and kicked himself in the soul for being such a coward and a failure.
June 6th, 2007 at 9:31 am
Very nice, Will.
I hope to read more of these types of entries in the future.
June 6th, 2007 at 9:53 am
I appreciate and am inspired by your honesty Will. And yes, there was a five year gap, and now you are all moving forward together. I admire that as well.
June 7th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
good for you Will.