Before getting going to work this morning, Ranger came to me at the desk as I was moppily Velcro’ing my bike shoes, occupied by the sad news of the day.

“Dood,” she said with a ball in her mouth so it made her sound kinda retarded. “Lesgahp lay feshin gahbah kyard.”


She dropped the tennis ball to the hardwood where it thumped twice and was still.

“I said: Let’s go play fetch in the backyard, duh!” She picked up the ball again in her mouth and snorted.

“Oh. Maybe when I get home tonight.”

“Cuh mon! Jussa fyoom intz. Ill may kyafeel burr.”

“Make me what?”

She spat the ball out again and it rolled to the ottoman.

“Feel better! Gah!”

Who was I to argue: