Archive for November, 2014

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

bamano

To most SoCalians, nothing at all. And for me as that rare and weird combo of being a native Angeleno and a fan of Alabama it’s not so much about what’s wrong anymore as what’s typical of the L.A. Times Sports section.

See, it’s business as usual for its writers and editors to minimize if not entirely ignore the team that happens to be No. 1 in the country right now — even when something occurs like the thrilling victory over its arch-rival Auburn last night in the vaunted Iron Bowl. This failure to report is borne of an institutional disdain for the team that stretches back to the early 1960s and staffer Jim Murray whose columns denouncing the team and its Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant are widely considered instrumental in denying Bama an invitation to play in the 1962 Rose Bowl.

Here’s a fragment from a great post on the subject at SECRant.com:

This brings me to the 1961 regular season. UCLA won the “Athletic Association of Western Universities” title (forerunner to Pac 8)and secured a Rose Bowl berth. Ohio State won the Big 10 title. UCLA-Ohio State Rose Bowl,right ? No. The Ohio State faculty senate, because of financial concerns and some concerns over a “pay for play” scandal with the West coast teams voted not to allow the Buckeyes to travel to Pasadena. Big 10 runner-up Minnesota had played in the Rose the previous year. The Big 10 had a “no repeat” precluding a team from consecutive Rose Bowls.

Enter Alabama, and LSU, for that matter.The Tide and Tigers were SEC co-champs and Alabama was #1 and unbeaten while LSU was #3 and once beaten. The Rose Bowl couldn’t really have a UCLA scrimmage game, so the committee looked to Alabama and LSU focusing mainly on the Tide to come to the Rose. The Tide had already won the National Title, with the polls being awarded before bowls. UCLA-Alabama would work out pretty sweet for the Rose.

When the national sports media got wind of this, it died on the vine. Led by local sports columnist of the Los Angeles Times and syndicated nationally Jim Murray, he and others vehemently opposed a southern team playing in the Rose, going into the litany of racial turmoil and no blacks on SEC teams (Murray hated all things Southern and piled on every time he could including the aftermath of the 1970 Southern Cal-Alabama game). In 1961, think of Jim Murray like Jim Rome,ESPN and Paul Finebaum combined. Murray’s sentiments went nationwide and the Rose dismissed the notion of Alabama,and LSU for that matter.But no where in Murray and his supporters was any addendum to their contempt of Alabama with “oh,by the way,Bryant is a dirty,cheating SOB !” Trust me,it wouldn’t have been overlooked if true.

The Big 10 compromised and allowed Minnesota to return to Pasadena and they beat UCLA, 21-3.

But! Had my Crimson Tide had lost yesterday? Oh well, then the headline would certainly at least have supplanted the news of Jordan Spieth in the upper right of the image. More likely it would have taken the top spot.

Instead they won, coming back from a horribly demoralizing first half to shut-down dominate a charging Tigers team that was threatening to runaway with the game. It was a victory that was thrilling and rejuvenating and one that made the sports world — minus the deaf-mute LA Times — stop and pay deserved respect.

Roll Tide.

Kitchen Renovation Slideshow

Friday, November 28th, 2014

A wee bit o’ the tardy in arriving, but here’s a 70-frame slideshow I just tossed to YouTube from beginning to finished-product end of our roughly 10-week kitchen renovation that took place from the middle of August to the beginning of November:

Short Storytime

Thursday, November 27th, 2014

Cahuenga Pass, circa 1938CAHUENGA PASS

I dreamed there was no knife in my hand after I took the punch to the side of my head.

It was a nice dream while it lasted, but I came awake with a jump at the subconscious knuckle crunch of fist against temple, much in the same way people who are falling in their sleep jolt awake just before they impact whatever hard parcel upon which they are about to land.

Blinking the blur out of my eyes, the flood of relief I felt at the absence of the knife boiled entirely away in the instant I found myself still in the jail cell I’d been placed in after being booked for murdering the road-rager who’d thrown the blow.

Because there had been a knife in my hand. Funny thing, not only do I not remember how it got there, but I had initially planned on just accepting the slug. In a way, I totally deserved it.

I’d gotten off work. I was coming from Hollywood into the valley through the Cahuenga Pass where I’d been in a hurry to drop off a package for my boss at the FedEx near a curve in the road past Barham. I was in a rush to get home to my Encino apartmetn and cleaned up for a date later all the way back over on Melrose with none other than Elie Tolsen. I’d known Elie since high school, but back then crush be damned, I was a stoner fuck-up to whom such a princess wouldn’t give the time of day. Since then, I cleaned up nicely and got a promising job at Paramount. She’d filled out nicely and landed a co-starring roll on a popular TV cop show that just so happened to film at the same studio.

So there I was, FedEx package delivered and putting my car in reverse there on the driveway apron, trying to make every second count. Instead of backing out, heading east and turning around safely and sanely somewhere back in the direction from which I’d just come, I opted instead to back out across the clear eastbound lanes and arc into the space for left turns in the center of the street.

While I executed the obviously questionable maneuver perfectly, it surprised the driver of a car coming west around the bend who laid on the horn as he passed me, an alarm I fully deserved. After pulling into the lane I came up behind him stopped at a red light a couple blocks down. While the driver of the car was just glaring at me in his rearview mirror, it was the passenger who’d gone totally apoplectic with anger, turning fully in his seat full-throat yelling at me and flipping me off through the rear window. Seriously, there was spittle involved. Man overboard!

The irony is not only did the driver try to calm his friend down, but I also gave it my best attempt to placate the asshole. I mouthed sincerely that I was sorry and gestured as best I could to indicate I was certifiably the worst driver in the world who shouldn’t be allowed to walk the streets much less operate a motor vehicle upon them.

It didn’t translate to the guy riding shotgun. He just kept laying on with the fuckyous and the assholes and the middle fingers and the kickyerasses to the point where I had enough and returned fire. Then he gestured: let’s fucking go right fucking here, right fucking now.

Next thing, the light’s turning green, but he’s out of the car and moving towards me. Nothing about him was outwardly concerning — 5’10” maybe 175 pounds, no guns in his hands. But regardless of his lack of physical stature or weaponry, logic dictates that one should not stay frozen in a confined and hardly defensible space such as the interior of a vehicle as some stark and raving lunatic closes the distance. One should get out, the better to fight or to flee.

But for some strange reason, I stayed put — surprisingly calmly so. Ignoring the psycho as he arrived at the driver’s side window and instead looked straight ahead at the driver of the car who also remained behind his wheel but now in exasperation held his head in both hands.

I don’t remember what the fellow yelled and spit at me through the open window, neither is it important. What is important is that my failure to engage enraged him further enough to first slam his hand down on the roof of my car and then bitchslap at the side of my head, coming into contact with my left ear enough to cause an intense burning sensation.

Here’s the thing. I don’t take pain well. I don’t mean to say that I have a low threshold for it, it’s just that I woefully lack the ability to ignore whatever thing — be it animate, inanimate or in this case highly animated — that is the cause of that pain. I’ve destroyed chairs that I’ve stubbed toes on. I flushed a hamster down the toilet that bit me on the pinky. During my first year in junior high, I put a towering ninth grader in the hospital for suckering me into accepting a high five with a nail held between his middle and ring fingers. The school security guard had to pull me off him to stop me with hands full of his ears and hair from banging his head face first into the playground asphalt for the tenth time. It’s a byproduct overdrive impulse to inflict an equal or greater amount of damage to that which has been inflicted upon me.

Slim as it may have been, any chance of me not going batshit at the eird slap was taken off the table when his fist came in full contact to my temple, the force of which drove me across onto the passenger seat, upon which sat my backpack and in which resided the buck knife with a folding four-inch locking blade that was a gift from the warehouse manager of a previous employer back when I hadn’t quite cleaned up so well.  The job was in a bad part south and east of downtown and the manager told me for very good reason that I should never ever be without a knife.

In the ensuing daze of ear-ringing semi-consciousness I won’t deny going through the complicated process of opening the appropriate pocket of the backpack, removing the knife from its leather case, and locking it open. It’s just that I sincerely don’t remember doing so. All I recall is that when I felt him grabbing at my shirt and pulling me back toward him, I came up more quickly than he expected. With my left arm I pinned his right arm against pillar of the car frame and kept pushing the forearm away from me at an unnatural angle until there was a very satisfying crack and and even more satisfying a scream. Then what may have been the butt of his left palm connected with my forehead and I saw a light show before my eyes during which I drove the knife in my right hand into and out of and into and out of his midsection.

I couldn’t tell you how many times, other than I didn’t stop until he slumped and fell away from my car onto his back in the number one westbound lane just in time to be run over by a passing FedEx truck. Whether he was dead before he hit the street, or was finished off under the tire treads, I don’t know.

All I knew when sirens sounded in the distance and grew louder with each passing second was that I had killed two things, a man and my date with Elie. I was far more upset about the latter.