As you probably know if you’ve been reading my writingz with any regularity across the eight — count-em: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 — years that I’ve been a-bloggin’, I’m pretty much an open book. For gooder or badder I have little issue with sharing the highs, the lows and I’m pretty frank about my joys and my pains.
Before the post came down, I don’t know how many of you (beyond my friends Ted and Annika whose supportive comments I greatly appreciated) found what I wrote Tuesday morning relating the mindblowingly bombshell news passed on to me by my 19-year-old daughter Monday afternoon via email that I am now a grandfather to a five-week-old baby boy.
While I spent some three hours that night crafting a careful response to her email, the next morning with aggravation and frustration set in I blogged my lack of enthusiasm at the revelation on several levels. Upon my daughter subsequently reading it, not surprisingly she found my feelings and opinions unallowable and intolerable and expressed as such in the comments.
Following an even more defensive follow-up email from her I volunteered to remove the post that same day, not because I felt it was in any way wrong to write, but in the interest of placating her. The attempt was to no avail. She’s ignored my last two emails and has made it clear that I am once again unworthy a place in her life or of anything but her disdain and disrespect.
Her rejections are heartbreaking and defeating, but I’ll never accept them and will always be ready to work together with her to put the past behind us and get to a future where we can be the dynamic duo we could be and should be. But until she wants that too and finds that strength to put down the old and take that journey forward with me to the new, I will always be an easy target and a person conveniently disposable and irrelevant to her. That’s something I can never accept.
So until that wonderful day I always hope for where we agree to move forward together, we can only disagree to stay apart.
But that ain’t all folks! In addition, manifesting itself suddenly on the bike ride home from work after being runover by that news Monday night was the bonus onset of a weird illness — thankfully not swine flu, more stomach-centered. In the two days since I’ve had lingering low body temps down in the 95s and flash fevers beyond 101 (one broke last night jolting me completely out of bed at 11:30 in a literal pool of sweat that reminded me of the scene in the Genesis “Land of Confusion” video when the Ronnie doll drowns in his own sea of perspiration.
Pretty much anything I’ve eaten this last couple days give me head and back aches and I won’t even go into the troubles down below. And I’m so fatigued that even standing up for short periods wears me down. I should go to the doc’s but I’m too weak, and at least the symptoms aren’t getting any worse (or pig-flu related).
Susan sees it as partially daughter-related.