As you may or may not know my Canon point-n-shoot camera died at the end of May, but fortunately is under warranty and has spent the days since at a camera spa in Orange County I shipped it off to, getting massages and hot oil treatments and immersion tank sessions and group therapy so that it may return to me fully rejuvenated and restored to its previous working order.

That reunion should have been yesterday, because Tuesday afternoon when I got home I found a doorhanger from FedEx advising me to sign it and leave it so that the driver may leave the package the next day. I fully complied.

Except when I got home last night, instead of the package I found the doorhanger I’d signed still attached to the screen door, below which was another dangblasted doorhanger advising me to sign it and leave it so that the driver may leave the package the next day.

But instead of re-complying in what could very well become an endless procession of doorhangers, I called FEdEx’s toll-free customer service number, 1-800-Telluswhatwedidwrongthistime, and I asked the nice enough young lady who answered the phone in Bangalore, when the hell did FedEx start hiring blind people to driver their trucks and deliver their packages?

And she was all, “I am to ask you to pardon me?” So I explained. I told her about getting the first doorhanger Tuesday night. About completing it and leaving it out as directed. Then I told her that when I got home  instead of my pakcage I was left another doorhanger, directly under the first one. From that, I told her, I could only deduce that FedEx is now employing drivers who either have really crappy eyesight or are really stupid or both.

And she was all “I am to tell you I am terribly sorry for the convenience. Will you minding it if I can be putting you on hold for a moments so as to discovery what has resulted in this problem?”

And I was all, “I think so.”

And after she came back from discovery’ing, she told me that she checked some sort of record and that the driver had remarked that he did not feel the package was safe to leave on the porch (ironically yesterday another package, my 12 bottles of Florida Water cologne, was left on that same porch by the UPS guy).

And I was all, “But on the doorhanger I signed and left for him this morning it says something like ‘By signing you authorize FedEx to leave the package and agree that FedEx is not liable if the package is lost or stolen.’ So why wouldn’t he leave the package instead of another stupid doorhanger, unless he was blind and/or stupid?”

She asked if she could be putting me on hold again. I said sure.

And when she came back the second time she apologized for the delay and for the inconveniencing and verified that I was indeed giving FedEx permission to leave the package on the porch.

And I verified that that is indeed what I had done when I had signed signed the first doorhanger and left it on the front door for the driver.

“I certainly didn’t authorize the driver to leave me another doorhanger!”

And she was all with the apologizing for the inconveniencing for the fifth time, and assured me the package will be delivered  for the third time, today.

If not that, maybe another doorhanger.