I don’t have any REAL resolutions for this year. No definitive achievements being sought, no dietary restrictions. Nothing along the lines of “read a book a month,” although it wouldn’t hurt if I picked up a tennis racquet and swung it at least that often.

I have some creative goals in mind and a fantasy of putting myself through Rio Hondo Police Academy and becoming an animal cop with the Los Angeles SPCA, but I’m still debating the merits of such a drastic career change.

If there’s one resolution that comes close to being of the quote/unquote capital “R” variety, it’s more philosophical than physical. It’s about letting peace begin with me in an effort for there to be peace everywhere. And by that I mean that I hope to catch opportunities I have for negativity — no matter how big or small or how inward or outward — and instead release some positivity.

Tall order? You bet.

So that’s why my other lower-case “r” resolutions are far more frivolous (and of course, bike related).

Resolution No. 1: I resolve to “Crazy Ivan” on my bike at least two times a week. To what? Lemme ‘splain: If you’ve read “Hunt for Red October” or seen the film version, you’ll recognize the term. If you haven’t, it’s basically the name given to an unorthodox tactical maneuver employed by the Russian sub commander, in which out of nowhere he’ll call for a sudden and drastic course deviation that brings his boat either hard to port or starboard and in a complete circle. What does that have to do with me on a bike? Well, what I plan on doing is employing that maneuver at random, basically by executing left or right turns that take me off my intended path and send me around a block or two. Why? Why not. I might get to see something I would’ve otherwise missed or most likely just explore a little bit more of the big city.

Resolution No. 2: And I have to confess, I started this one before the end of the year. I can’t remember exactly when, but on a couple of my commutes mid to late last month I found and removed nice-sized nails from the roadways upon which I was riding, later on tweeting a “your welcome” to the motorists of the city for making the streets safer by a couple less flat tires waiting to happen. From there was born the goal to attempt to remove some bit of metallic found floatsam every time I ride (maybe with an eye towards welding it all together in some sort of sculpture; but more than likely recycling it all at the end of the year), and so far here’s what I’ve procured: a AAA battery, a massive heavy sumbeech of a brass hose coupling, a sealed bearing, a sheared bolt, a crumpled wheel alignment counterweight, a round washer thing, a slotted nut, three nails (the one closest to the bottom of the frame I got today) and a weird ringed pin:


I’d say so far I’m off to a good start making the world (or at least my travels through it) a more fun and less hazardous place.