The Great Backyard Grassacre Of 2010

If we haven’t reached (or maybe passed) the second anniversary of  the firing of our gardeners then it’s probably fast approaching. We shitcanned them after I caught them violating our adamant ban of gas-powered leaf blowers — whose residential use is against civic ordinance anyway, but it’s a mostly unenforceable statute most every corner-cutting sumbitch and the property owners who employ them loves to break.

Except us. But apparently Susan and I are in the city-wide minority who operate upon a “do unto your neighbors as you would have them do unto you” platform.

So for the past couple years in this troubled economy, give or take a couple months, we’ve saved the $80 a month spent on a scofflaw crew, and instead I have been the Chief Landscape Administrator armed with an electric weed whacker and hedger — along with a collection of rakes, shovels and brooms. Plus there’s the tiller I got at Susan’s request three Christmases ago, and the old-school push mower she got me at my urging two seasons’ past.

I’m pretty dependable in the execution of my duties but I must confess I’ve been derelict in denuding the backyard of its wild grasses and weeds, which have grown pretty rampant thanks to the abundance of recent rains.

Long story short: I made up for lost time and busted out the Homelite whacker. Plugging it in to the business end of a 75-foot extension cord I engaged the hostile growth indiscriminately to victory. And while I can’t claim that I beat back every blade of grass out there,  I’m proud to say that a couple hours later I’d whipped the place into far better shape than its been in a while.

Such is my exciting weekend.