I don’t know what it is about YouTube. The indignation and insultation one can find there either directly or directed at others often achieves a cro-mag baseness that seldom fails to amaze.

I certainly don’t help matters with my “”This Is Why I Hate” series of posts usually video’d from the POV of me on my bike. I’ve “hated” on mopeds, FedEx, bicyclists, motorists, and boy have I been hated on in return.

Now if you know me, you know that one of the few things I hate is hate. But of course those on the YouToobz, they don’t know me. And whether they’re self-righteous or just good ol’ knuckle-draggers they can get pretty inflamed — especially when I push their buttons.

So you can imagine my surprise when instead of the usual “Get the fuck off the road, Lance!” I found this rather reasoned and articulate reaction from user “simplecreativity” to my “This Is Why I Hate: Fedex” post:

Don’t you think this is a bit much? You hate FedEx because they happen to employ some inconsiderate drivers? Welcome to the world, good sir. This is like me saying I hate people who own Fords because someone in a Ford cuts me off on the road. Take it easy. And while you’re at it, slow down. I bet it wouldn’t have been nearly so threatening if, in the great span of time you had before getting there, you applied the brake.

Relax. Not everything is cause for throwing around the word “hate”. Jeez.

I was actually quite impressed that he resisted the urge to just call me a fucktard or a douchebag (as so many other trollios have on that post), and in cordial response I commended him:

Excellent and intelligent argument, sc (accept for that incorrect assumption that I was somehow speeding on my bike, but I can forgive that mistake). For what it’s worth I used “hate” not because I actually hate, but because its such a loaded word. Somewhere on the Youtubes I even have a vid about “hating” cyclists! Cheers.

Did it stop there? Of course not. The fun had only started and it rapidly sped downhill in the ensuing back and forth (laid out after the jump) until he couldn’t help but demonstrate his hate (no quotes) by calling me a jackass and an asshole and cite the hate-filled comments of all the other mouth-breathing trolls as proof of why he was right and I was beyond help.

Tiring of the folly, I respectfully requested he quit while he’s behind fighting a battle he couldn’t win. When that didn’t happen I then asked him semi-politely a second time, and when again he continued his ranting I was left to the inevitable task of blocking him. Good times.

simplecreativity: It’s a loaded word that’s used far too often, in my opinion. You could convey the same generalization and stereotype FedEx employees to the same degree by saying, ‘FedEx Drivers Can’t Drive!” or something to that effect. You don’t need to employ the ‘loaded’ word and perpetuate its overuse. Don’t use a word unless you mean it. My comments about speed didn’t indicate that you were driving unsafely, only that by going -even slower- you could have guaranteed your own safe passage.

Me: I’ll take your insistence that I modify myself to suit you better under advisement. And interesting… see what you did there? You totally absolved the driver from any responsibility of operating the vehicle safely in the first place and instead put it all on me to slow down and accommodate his irresponsibility. Don’tcha HATE it when that happens? Or would EXTREMELY DISLIKE be more suitable to you?

simplecreativity: And, my sister-in-law is a FedEx driver, and is a conscientious and careful driver. So, case in point, your one experience with a FedEx driver falling maybe thirty six or so inches short of a perfect parking job (that would have caused him to be crushing into that tree, as is quite obvious in your footage) doesn’t give you the right to generate a hateful and inconsiderate statement about FedEx as a whole.

Me: Let’s put aside what rights you insist I have or not. Because ahhhh, now I understand why it struck such a nerve — there’s family involved! But as to your latest assumption about what’s “quite obvious,” tough as it will be you’ll just have to take my word for it since I bike by that tree (and the countless Fedex/UPS/DHL/Whatever vehicles that park properly next to it) on a daily basis and you don’t: it’s not an obstacle. NEXT!?

simplecreativity: Broken laws or not, and regardless of who broke them, you have to modify your own behavior on the road to ensure your own and others’ safety. Even if he broke the law, you flew around it and made a jackass statement about hating FedEx, instead of slowly navigating around the side and slowing down in case someone was unexpectedly crossing in front of the truck (driver or pedestrian). I didn’t absolve the driver, either.

simplecreativity: I made a point, in fact, of calling them inconsiderate at one point. I agree that the way they parked isn’t legally correct, and it does, in fact, block your bicycle lane. But you know what? part of being a good driver/rider is being able to ADAPT and handle yourself in such a situation, rather than acting like a jackass and putting either yourself or others at risk. I’m 17 and somehow I seem to have a better grasp of how to behave as a driver than you do. That’s unsettling.

Me: sc, I appreciated your position initially, but now you’re just getting spiteful and tiresome and desperate. You type tough and proud but you’re just a righteous and indignant blowhard — and repetitive, too. I’d suggest at your young age you work harder to broaden your repository of insults to include variations on the term “jackass.” Might I recommend, “asinine” or “douchey” since that’s now how you’re acting.

Me: Redundancy aside, while it’s interesting you can hypocritically reference me and my actions as “jackass” while ironically taking great offense at my use of the word “hate,” it’s getting rather tedious. So bust out the thesaurus and bone up on alternates. Or better yet, just quit while you’re behind. Because unless you’re willing to spew what you’re spewing to my face — which you are not no matter how you migght insist than you’re just another in a long line of trolls.

simplecreativity: I fail to see where calling you a jackass twice for emphasis is anything like using the word hate. The fact that I only used the one word to insult was no doubt an indication of a grievous and unsettling lack of vocabulary and linguistic prowess, and surely you have demonstrated your superiority. However, you fail to address any of the arguments that I (albeit so, so poorly) made, which makes me think that maybe your only option now is to attack my structure rather than my logic. How pitiful.

Me: Thankfully you wasted no time getting to the operative word in your latest blahblah: FAIL.

simplecreativity: You also fail to provide any examples of my hypocrisy, which just further cements in my mind that you are floundering for defense in your claims of grammatical superiority rather than making an honest effort to defend your actions. Maybe it’s because you know you were just as wrong in your choices as you claim the driver was; or, perhaps it’s the result of an infantile and stubborn mind trapped in an adult body.

Me: And again: FAIL.

Me: I’m sorry, what was that? Oh: FAIL

Me: blahblahfailblahblah

simplecreativity: any realistic examples*

Me: Speaking of realistic examples, I lastly muster as much respect as I can for such an incessant display of arrogance and suggest in all sincerity that you once again quit since you’re either too geographically and/or constitutionally challenged to meet me in person as requested when I last asked you to put up or shut up. Short of that, it’s all just cheapshot keystrokes from a post-puber who I’d block if it wasn’t so much fun watching you fume.

simplecreativity: Spam your own video with comments all you want; I’m comfortable in the knowledge that mostly everyone else who has posted agrees with me, not you. Like I said, all you can do is attack the way I argue, not my arguments themselves. If you’re content to show everyone what a shockingly abrasive asshole you are, I’m content to let you do it. I was just making my point(s) and sharing my opinion. You’re the self-proclaimed superior adult who can only claim to win by attacking my age and methodology.

simplecreativity: Honestly, having just gone back and read everyone else’s comments, it looks like, as I said, mostly everyone else agrees with me (every person that posted directly related to the video and not FedEx in general, at least). Especially ‘smokeddirky’, one of the first people you pursued for suggesting you acted just as inconsiderately and even more dangerously than the truck driver. Heavens forbid we say -you’ve- done anything wrong; as you’re on a bicycle, the world revolves around you, doubtless.

Me: Oh my gawd, simp! Now that I’ve blocked you it will give you a far better opportunity to get on with your life or just plain go get a life. So now that I’ve done you the favor of enabling you to put down the mouse and step away from the keyboard, pleasepleaseplease take this opportunity to open the nearest window or door to the outside world and go fling yourself into it.