There’s Just No Winning Against Some Losers

There are people in my neighborhood who think me an epic jerk. Such festering animosity stems from the fact that they have demonstrated themselves to be jerks as well — most often by parking their vehicles so that the block part — or occassionally all — of our driveway apron.

With the new year, comes our first example, found yesterday afternoon as I headed out to take our Christmas tree to the recycling drop-off station at the LA Zoo.

People who think that this is acceptable — and who concurrently think it’s unacceptable for jerk-o me to consider it unacceptable — both infuriate and intrigue me. I want to cuss them out for being such fails, but then I want to sit down with them and politely find out what their motive is; is there a reason for their irresponsibility, or are they simply sociopathic? Then I want to cuss them out some more.

It used to be if you hindered my access in or out of our garage in even the sliiiiightest itsy bitsy manner, I was one cold-hearted sumbitch who didn’t hesitate to speed-dial parking enforcement and request a citation — hence the bad blood from some fellow residents, physicalized on occasion with a variety of full beverage containers launched against the garage door. But this last couple years or so I’ve mellowed into my late-40s — especially with impeding vehicles that are more nuisance than obstruction. Now instead of a ticket (or in certain uber-egregious instances: a full-on tow) I print out a copy of a long-winded missive I wrote and stick it on their car door. No doubt some of the recipients of my righteously indignant note come away ticket-free still thinking me a pompous jerkbone ass, but there’s just no winning against some losers.

There was no leniency with this parker because the incredible thing is, this was a rare repeat performance — and recently, too. I can’t remember if it was last month or November, but  I came out to find this same sedan blocking the apron to the almost exact same degree. With such a flagrant disregard I made the call requesting a citation, but for reasons unknown to me when the officer arrived in addition to the ticket he ordered up an OPG truck and had the ride impounded (my uneducated guess for the tow was because of excessive and/or unpaid parking tickets).

I stand firm in the belief that is not crazy for me to think that the operator of this particular car might think twice before making the same mistake in the same place. But he or she proved me wrong.

Fortunately, the responding officer didn’t do more than cite the offending vehicle.


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Will Campbell arrived in town via the maternity ward at Good Sam Hospital way back in OneNineSixFour and has never stopped calling Los Angeles home. Presently he lives in Silver Lake with his wife Susan, their cat Rocky, dogs Terra and Hazel, and a red-eared slider turtle named Mater. Blogging since 2001, Will's web endeavors extend back to 1995 with, a comprehensive theater site that was well received but ever-short on capital (or a business model). The pinnacle of his online success (which speaks volumes) arrived in 1997, when much to his surprise, a hobby site he'd built called VisuaL.A. was named "best website" in Los Angeles magazine's annual "Best of L.A." issue. He enjoys experiencing (and writing about) pretty much anything creative, explorational and/or adventurous, loves his ebike, is a better tennis player than he is horr golfer, and a lover of all creatures great and small -- emphasis on "all."